After discussing my decision with my wife to DNA test the third child I told her I had decided to verify all three children because I did not feel that the test were to expensive.
That is when she indicated to me that my oldest daughter who was 12 at the time may not be mine. That is where the shock begins for me. I suspected the third child was not mine but not either of the first two.
The day of the DNA testing I went and picked up the kids from school and swung by my other house to pick up the mother and the youngest child. I should not have been driving. I was very upset at the reality of my situation. I got over a bridge and promptly switched lanes into another vehicle in the fast lane and began to spin around in my little car with three children in the back and two adults in the front. When it was all over the car was totaled. I was not injured at all. The three children were not injured at all. My not soon enough x-wife claimed to be injured and was taken to emergency in an ambulance. She is now taking the insurance company to court and will probably end up with $50,000 from the car accident.
The accident put off DNA testing two weeks because the not soon enough to be x-wife claimed to be in too much pain. We finally get the tests done and wait for the results for two weeks. The longest most emotionally painful two weeks of my life. I felt like I had children taken away from me much like a death. During these two weeks I did not sleep and cried a lot. In my many hours of walking I had decided to submit whatever the results were to the Missouri court. I felt in the case of the youngest child that the father should be held accountable along with the mother. I did not feel that a judge should court order me to do anything for the children that I had already been doing anyway because I love them.
The results come back and they were:
Daughter 12 years old------- Not Mine (Shocking and painful for me to face at the time)
Son 10 years old-------------- Is Mine
Daughter 5 years old- ------- Not Mine
The judge tossed the divorce out of court last December of 2000 because he wanted the other fathers identified and DNA tested so they could be held financially responsible. In the case of the first child the paperwork will be submitted to the court as "UNKNOWN FATHER". I know that is not true. The status on the third child is that the father was DNA tested 2 weeks ago and test results should come in this week (DNA test results will come back by April 14th, 2001). We are all fairly certain that the father is identified correctly but you never know? If the third father has been identified correctly than my divorce should be placed on the docket again and I should be finished by June 1st, 2001.
I gave up all custody, rights and visitation to the kids who are not mine. I have legal rights to my son 50/50. I am angry that I have no legal footing to stand on regarding the oldest girl.
She gets COBRA for 18 months starting from the time the divorce is final. That is about $266 a month X 18 months = $4788.
I agreed to split all assets 50/50 and start paying alimony and child support on just my son starting on Dec 1 of 2001. $1840 a month. $840 alimony for 30 months and $1000 child support. I have already made 6 months of alimony payments. Time goes by fast. Not to mention I carried her and the kids for all of year 2000. Not to mention she did good since 1988 which is when the lies begun.
I had a team of attorneys lined up to go to war. I probably could have gotten out of paying on a lot of things legally. However, it was not the kids fault the mother lied and I really did not want to be responsible for making them all homeless and pulling the kids out of school. Enough time had gone by in the relationship to where I was already physically separated and emotionally separated from my wife so it has been fairly easy for me to adjust. Plus I am involved with a wonderful women I love very much and I get to see the oldest girl just as much as my son.
The youngest girl I have stopped seeing around September of 2000. This was a tough decision. But I realize that the other father will participate with her. I believe the father to be around 45 years old and this would be his only daughter. I also felt that if my x-wife got involved with another man that he would step in and take over as the stepfather.
Another tough decision was this: Should I tell the oldest girl the results?
I decided to tell the truth to them as soon as I got the results back. I felt the truth is always the best. I felt that my love for her would conquer and vice versa. You know what? I was right on the money. It was emotional at the time but we have both moved on and I enjoy my time with the first two kids and make their time with me when I have them the best that it can possibly be. I am very proud of them both. The oldest girl is a straight A student and my son gets all B’s in school and we are doing great.
As time goes on I believe everything will work out just fine. By reading my story I hope you begin the emotional healing process. It is very painful to love children and find out that you are not the biological father. It’s painful for the child also. I consider paternity fraud a crime against the father and childs soul and spirit.
I would be glad to talk to anybody who has discovered that they are a victim of paternity fraud.
Another man wounded (emotionally) and financially the love of money.